Do you ever feel like you are just going through the motions in your life? Doing the same thing over and over again every day until you die? Wake up, go to work, come home, go to sleep and then the next day do it all over again. It's like being in a never ending sea of motions but at the same time being completely motionless. This is how I have feel everyday, like the passion and joy I had for life slowly drifting farther and farther away just out of reach. I reach out not wanting to let it go but I never quite get close enough. When I am happy, I am happy but it doesn't seem to last very long before the switch in my brain flips and my mind fills with a mixture of fear, anger, and sadness. I scream at those I love, pushing them away when all I really want to do is pull them close and push the thoughts away instead. Am I just transferring my pain onto those around me or plunging deeper and deeper, suffocating myself in my own thoughts?
I scream "WHO IS THIS PERSON?" My voice echoes into the darkness at the stranger in front of me. I don't even recognize my own reflection in the mirror staring back at me. Her stare is piercing in the silence just watching to see what I will do next. I've been told that I wear my heart on my sleeve and my emotions on my face like that is a bad thing. I truly don't believe that it is because it shows that I genuinely care but also can be a burden at times due to the visibility of my fears and pain. It's like you are reaching out for help but the words aren't verbalized but instead you just stare into space like a zombie with a beating heart hoping to find someone who understands their twisted mortality. Why do we constantly fear the unknown? Why are we so quick to judge what we don't clearly and completely understand?
One thing I know for sure: I'd rather be motionless than emotionless.
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